i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
