FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have aggressive nipples.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
