I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
