Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
