So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
