I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
please come you make the beer taste better
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
