we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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