Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
