I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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