I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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