rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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