he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
