Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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