I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
