if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
