i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
