He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
