I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
