There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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