cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
