my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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