my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Damn victory sex feels great
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
