I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
