He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
