Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
