I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
COCAINE IS GR8
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
