If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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