I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
