being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
