Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
