Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
