Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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