awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
