i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
