WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
