She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
