i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Two words: nipple clamps
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