I can tuck mytits in my pants
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
