I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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