So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
