Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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