no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
