how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
