I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize