Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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