last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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