I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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