I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
