Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
