I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize