Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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