i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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