I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
