my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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