i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
