Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
