I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
