Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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