I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize