I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
