Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
