So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
