I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
