i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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