He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
