This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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