I hate your face
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
