i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
