How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
