i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
