dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
