i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
