I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
