woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This house was built for laser tag.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
