STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
