is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
