my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
