living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize