Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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