Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
