Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
