Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just cropdusted the office
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Randomize
