I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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