Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
pray to the hookup gods
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize