i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
