Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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