don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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