idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
