we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
