my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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