are you still at the devil's house?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I intend to get homeless drunk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
