Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
