i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
