my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize