My friends, they love my intelligence
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
