Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
from now on my penis is your penis
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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