After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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