They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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