I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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