There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Alive.
So much puke
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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