your thong is hanging out like whoa
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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